Chat to A Potato

Q: I just got moved into a different household due to my brother being an abusive jerk, but I’m just very confused. It’s a hard landscape to navigate, especially with COVID and I can’t help but feel guilty, I’m not sure why. Any advice on how to feel better?

A:

Hi Zoe, Potato is sorry to hear how you're feeling... And about your abusive brother. Firstly, im really glad that action was taken and you're no longer near him, is that right? Second, about your feeling of guilt- this is a powerful emotion and it can be really confusing and painful to deal with. It sounds like maybe you feel guilty because of what has happened- the consequence. Did he have to be moved somewhere else because of how he is acting? Im not sure about whats happened in detail... But from what you have written here, it sounds like his actions have cause you to have to move away and to deal with a new situation, which has become 100x more difficult because of covid. Your guilt maybe because of this change, and some people question and wonder if its their fault... I do not know what happened, but I do know that if someone is being abusive and harming you or others, then their behaviour will lead to consequences that is no one's fault but their own. If anyone is to feel guilty, it should be him. You are a victim in the behaviours he exhibit. You've had to move into a different household and get used to new things because of what he has done. Not playing the blame game, but just showing that his actions are his responsibility, and not yours. He is his own being, and if he chose to act this way, any consequence is his to bear. You feel guilty maybe because he is your brother? Of course when it comes to family or someone close to us, we may wish never to implicate them and for things to always 'go well'. But in life thats not always possible. Life is unfair, sadly :( And it sounds like your life isnt easy at this moment... But potato hope you know that you never have to go through this alone. Please chat to people on our site and build a strong online community of support. Regardless, you can always chat to Potato here, or email at info@chattoapotato.com. I care for you and will always reply to you. You are not alone. Sometimes to feel better takes a long time. Nothing is instant... Take time to forgive your brother, and understand that he is human and learning too.. Maybe he has his own issues that made him react this way. And if we can forgive others, we can lt things go and take things lightly.. Try to focus on the good things you have now :) instead of thinking about what bad things could happen. Remember that nothing in life is permanent. Even if life is crappy now, this can all change- depending on how you choose to act. Choose to forgive and to work toward building a future you want :) You are worthy of your own happiness! Your happiness is not dependent on others. Whether he choose to act out or not has no relation to you. Just focus on your :) Potato sending you a lot of love!! xxxxx

Q: At first the consequences that COVID-19 had on my life weren't too bad. I didn't have to spend time getting to school and I didn't mind not leaving the house much, because I'm kind anxious and introverted. Now it's been months and I haven't seen my long distance boyfriend, my friends, my concentration span really sucks with these online classes. My mental health has decreased so much and I'm so stressed and burned-out. I don't know what to do. I feel so stuck. I've tried leaving the house for walks and keeping online contact with friends, but it just doesn't help.

A:

Hi Ruby, you have explained exactly the mental health effects of being confined because of covid19. Its really disheartening to hear that you went from being somewhat ok at the start to now realizing that you are not okay, and that nothing is helping... Please know that you are not alone in this. Covid is a global pandemic and there is so much research on how this will affect all our mental health in the next few months/years. Firstly, tell yourself that how you are feeling is valid and its okay. Its so normal to feel this way and so reasonable to. After all, we are kind of all under confinement, and its not natural for us at all. So accept and acknowledge and allow yourself to feel this. Next, I would recommend that you take a journal adn start planning out your daily routine. With everything being 'online', its difficult to keep a routine. Its so easy to just be in comfy clothes and do nothing at home, or engage in less healthy habits like watching netflix and binge eating or lazing about. As comfortable as that sounds, you need to break that 'bad' routine, and replace it with a good routine. This would include things like: waking up early, exercising, learn to meditate (watch some videos), then maybe have a call with friends to keep your social life going, maybe go out for fresh air, then start research on a new hobby, or start a new hobby like learning a new language, learning to paint on canvas, learning to knit, etc etc. Find something that inspires you to invest in yourself and that excites you! Some people start getting into photography or they paint during covid lockdown. This is the time to know more about you and explore your hobbies and talents. Since covid is here to stay anyway, why not find ways to utilise this time.. The purpose it to give you a purpose :) Right now, without a routine, it is easy to just go with the flow of life. Maybe you just wake up, have online lectures, lie and chat and go on social media, etc, but none of this feels right. Maybe because there is no structure to your day.. Humans should have a good healthy balance! So start by writing out your day. Plan what time you get up, what you eat, when to do your school work, when to chat with your boyfriend. Also, plan more social events! Maybe play online games with friends, or watch a film online with your boyfriend and you can both discuss the film while watching it seperately (but together at the same time).And when you feel like school work and online classes is just burning you out- plan a full day of self care! Maybe you need the opposite too :) Having a day dedicated to just doing what you enjoy can recharge your batteries! Make sure you try to fit healthy habits in. And leaving the house for walks is good! Keep doing it, and try to get more sun in. It makes a big difference. Another big one is exercise!! Potato feels A LOT better whenever I have a good exercise routine. When im in a rut, it feels terrible and I never feel as good... try online videos or maybe go jogging outside. Please learn to keep a journal and keep writing your thoughts down. Sometimes we have so much to think about that it can overwhleme us- which sounds like its happening to you now. You need an Outlet, a RELEASE. So try journalling. Potato journal every morning, and you can try this. Or maybe even before bedtime. Write out (1) whats bothering you, (2) the solution to each problem that you think you can do, (3) and all the things in life you appreciate. When we look at what we appreciate and what we have, its a good reminder for us to feel good again! Remember just dont give up. Try all these and find what suits you. And be comforted in knowing that this whole covid thing will pass. We will get back to normal :) Dont focus too much on the bad, dont look at the news too much. Focus on yourself and what helps you grow and makes you happy. Keep communicating with friends and your boyfriend. Tell them how you feel. Accept the support and love from others. Potato loves you! xxx

Q: I get picked on and called a suck up by my best friend. It causes me anxiety and makes me feel like I have nothing in this world. I don’t know what to do because I’m losing my life. My friend has been with me for 3 years and all of a sudden he betrays me. Is something going on in his life? Thank you for your time!

A:

Hi again Lainey. It sounds like you are having friendship problems with your bestfriend of 3 years.. I can imagine that this is a scary feeling! Because when you know someone for so long, and suddenly they change and start hurting you, it can be confusing and scary. Especially since for many of us, our friends are so important and a big part of our lives. First you must understand that its normal to feel anxious over this... Since he called you a suck up- thats hurtful and also makes you wonder if you both can get past this and return to being close friends again. You must know that its normal for friends to fight! And more importantly, if he is a good friend, he must have his reasons for why he is acting this way. So your second thing to do is to find out whats wrong... Since you have already thought that something is going on in his life- then there maybe is. And it is making him change how he treats you... So be honest and open and try to find out whats wrong? Just speak to him in a clam and caring manner... Not with the intention to 'fix' what is wrong straight away- but to tell him you care and that you are here for him if he needs to chat. Sometimes people act out because they are hurt.. So find out if he is okay... Do your best in getting to know him better. If you are sincere to him, he will know it, and he will answer it honestly, and find ways to fix your friendship. If he is not someone that is genuine to you- then maybe he will not communicate to you or be mature enough to tell you whats wrong.. Either way, you must accept that you cannot control how he responds. You can only do your best... Yes it is anxious for you because you want to know whats wrong and to have things as they were... But human emotions are so complex that it can take time to resolve things.So all im saying is that you should just try your best in finding out whats wrong and to fix it. But it does not mean sacrificing yourself and your emotional/mental state. If you try your best- but he does not want to try, then maybe you need to step back and give him time. But you could try your best and figure out whats wrong! And learn from this experience... Friends fight at times.. Dont worry! Just speak to him and tell him you are sincere to him, and hope he can treasure the friendship like you... Just do your best okay? :) Dont pressure yourself. If he is good, he will want to try too. If not, well- there are many other friends that might want to be more sincere to you... Potato sending you love xxxx

Q: When i was on 2nd grade i had a best friend he was funny. But we passed to 3rd grade we were in different classrooms and he met a more beautiful popular and caring girl in school. When we were 13 he asked me to be his Girlfriend but days later... I saw him with that freaking brat and girly girl kissing him. That that that day i felt so sad...

A:

Hi again Sofia. It sounds like you really connected with this best friend and now you feel like you lost him to that other girl... so did he ask you to be his girlfriend but then you saw him kissing the other girl?? I would be so upset!!! So sorry you went through that... did he initiate the kiss with her? Or did she? Either way, did he explain anything to you?? Did you confront him? I think it would have really hurt, and if he honestly cared about you, he would not have done this. Someone who truly cares for you would not be dishonest with you. Even if he did start to like another girl (even though he did ask you to be his girlfriend- means he likes you too right!), so even if he likes another girl, he should not have kissed her if he had already asked you to be his girlfriend. Since it sounds like he made it official by asking you. The least he could do is be honest with you and tell you how he feel. Anyway, since all this has happened now- you need to ask yourself- what do you want? Do you wish to be closer to him? Or do you wish to just move on and forget him. Ask yourself what you want and hope for, before seeing how you can act on it. For example, if you want to get over this, you should accept that this has been hurtful and it will take time to heal. Next thing is to see if you want to find a form of closure- perhaps by asking him how he really feels and asking why he did what he did. OR, some people find closure by accepting what has happened and they dont need to confront the other person about it because they do not want to know. Decide what kind of closure you want.... And then maybe the next step is actually getting over him. By focusing on yourself! do things you enjoy- distract yourself by doing the things you enjoy :) If you think of him, turn to keeping busy. Find things to do that help you improve on yourself. :) And dont compare to the other girl... Everyone is different. Some people might say roses are the prettiest flower, but some might say a sunflower is the prettiest flower.. Both are pretty and cannot be compared. There is no right answer as to whether a sunflower or a rose is better.. Both are beautiful with their own special traits. Never compare yourself to others. Learn to be a confident person and learn to be better by investing time in yourself. And in the right people! If this guy has proven to hurt you time and time again, then maybe he is not worth your time... Potato love you!

Q: I am wondering. My anxiety attacks happen often causing sleepwalking. The anxiety is caused by all the stress of riots and COVID. What should I do?

A:

Hi Panda Love, I love your name! And sorry to hear that covid has caused you great anxiety... Stress and anxiety may cause sleeping problems or make existing problems worse. You'll need to address the stress that you are feeling first and foremost. Firstly, know that covid is a terrible pandemic and that feeling stressed out by it is really normal. Accept that how you feel and know that your feelings are 100% valid. Its great that youve identified the problem- the problem is stress caused by covid. There are many thing you can do about this! But you must understand that regardless or how much we worry, or think about things, Covid is not something we can control or change, or stop. So we must understand that this is something not in our control. So when things are not in control, what else can we do? We have to accept it. Once you accept it, you can focus on learning to cope with it. Im really sorry about the riots, it is such a scary time.... This is just a terrible year for many of us.. But riots are another thing that you cannot control...So you must focus on yourself and building yourself up so that you will not be so affected by all that is going on. After acceptance, the next thing to do is be able to express yourself. Do not keep your feelings and fears bottled up. Either talk about them (here on our platform!), or talk to someone you trust. OR, write it all out in your journal. Talking can be a way to cope with or solve a problem you’ve been carrying around in your head for a while. Writing it all out can help you visualise and group problems together. And find solutions by seeing each problem individually. Another thing to do is to limit time with social media/news. A lot of things out there are so negative and fear based. By reading those things, you absorb the fear and it doesnt make you feel nice. If possible, limit and dont watch too much of the news and negative media. It may just feel like youre watching a bad drama and you cant turn your head away from all thats being reported. Its drama, and thats what sucks people into it. Understand that too much of this can be harmful. So limit your time in negative news. Another really good thing to do is distract yourself! Use this time to add value to yourself. Some people learn a new skill, read a new book, have a new hobby... etc etc. Its all endless posibilities! Explore what you enjoy and just be sucked into it. Spend time investing in yourself. Turn away from everything thats happening outside. Give yourself time to have some self care and alone time. And by building up our skills, we focus on becoming better people, and that alone is such a meaningful activity. Look towards doing what you enjoy! :) Lastly, look up self help books or audiobooks! They really help. Potato is always educating myself in order to have better control of my emotions.By learning more about ourselves (human psychology), we learn more about how to relax and see the good in things. Not just the bad and stressful.. And all these take time. Dont despair! We are all in a similar boat... and we are all here for one another :) Take time to feel better. Dont rush things. Take time for self care... Potato sending you love xxx

Q: So I recently fell for two different girls in my class. My parents still think I'm straight. I want to tell one of them that I like them, but now I'm wondering- which one, how do I do it, and what comes next if she likes me?

A:

Hey, aww falling in love is a lovely feeling! Potato is happy for you! Well, having 2 girls that you really like is nice, but you're right, you have to decide which one girl is the one that you really like. Ask yourself this question: "If you are feeling down, which girl do you think of first that you want to share your emotional burden with?". And which girl do you really wish to see happy! Because it makes you happy :D Which girl do you think of when you think of having a future together? Who comes to your mind first? Its not always easy to determine... only you will know. And when you know it, you just know it. Follow your gut! Maybe spend more time with each one before you jump into it. You might learn more about each of them, and this can help you decide who is right for you. And when you decide on who you want to ask- make sure to ask yourself how confident you feel they like you back too? You might have a feeling already about whether or not she likes you. But you can always hint. For example, you can ask her what her ideal girl is. And see if she flirts with you and describes someone like you. Maybe start hinting that you like her. And when you are ready, you should decide what you are comfortable with doing. Some people write a letter the old school way. Some go on a date and express their interest in words in person. It might help if you plan out what you want to say and practice it. Everything is about practice :) Be confident and say it confidently! 

And about your parents- just a note that if you do think about coming out, ask yourself how do you think your parents will react to it? Will they be supportive? Or not really? You also have to consider if it is safe to do so? Unfortunately coming out might not be 'perfect' for some. We must be prepared that other people's reactions might not be what we hope for or what we expect. So determine if you are safe to come out to them. Its important that you plan a time to sit down and chat with them in person- dont do it over text or call. Its always nice in person so that they can ask your questions and respond right there, instead of you and them having gaps in between if you are not doing it in person. Either way, its an exciting journey and Potato is rooting for you. Focus on one thing at a time :) AND only come out when you are 100% ready. Potato sending you love! xx

Q: I am in love with a close friend of mine. I don't even know what to do, and everytime I get in relationships i push people away without realizing I do. I don't know what to do anymore. Even if I were to try I dont even know what I would say or do.

A:

Hey Asu, it sounds like you've been hurt in the past? Sometimes when we are hurt, or maybe we feel that we are not worthy, we tend to push people away... I think the great part is you have said that you realise you push people away when you get in relationships. Maybe not at that moment, but you realise it after. And that alone is an achievement! Many people do this but never ever realise it. Now that you realise it, know that you can always do things to change. First, find out what makes you push people away? Is it because you feel insecure? Because you fear being close? Because of trust issues? Ask yourself questions one by one and be honest. You will get the answers if you explore what you truly feel. Potato does this too! I journal and write out what I really feel, and I find patterns and identify why I feel this way. And acknowledge that I still need to improve myself. You dont know what to do because you have no where to start. So you should start by being clear on what you are confused on. I really suggest you write on a piece of paper- all the things you fear, or think about, or feel sad about. Look at each problem and ask yourself what you can do to change or be better. Dont be afriad to be honest. And you say you dont even know what to say or do if you try... And thats okay! There is no handbook on what steps you must do. Everyday is a journey of self discovery, and this takes TIME. So often we expect ourselves to be a finished product right now. We expect to be perfect right now. To know what the right thing is to say, to know how to act, to know how to feel. But we dont, and thats really okay. Again, its a journey. Stop expecting to complete and be perfect NOW. Whats important is that you try :) And like you say, you want to try. Thats good!! Celebrate this :) Celebrate that you want to be better and you are seeking help. So start by exploring how you really feel about yourself, and why you push people away. Then ask what you want to do about that close friend you are in love with. Do you want to be in a relationship with that friend? Do you want to confess? Or do you just want to enjoy the friendship? Ask what YOU want first, then work toward it. But you can only be happy and satisfied if YOU are happy and satisfied with yourself first. I suggest to read self help books or listen to audiobooks that focus on self esteem and self worth :) Potato read and listen to these very often. Not sure if I answered your question, but I want you to know that you can have what you want. If you want to fall in love and be confident, you can! :) Keep trying and never stop learning about yourself. Potato love you! xx

Q: My sister emotionally abused me all summer, September, and October. Now she's getting better and things feel normal, but I keep worrying she'll go back to how she was and I have anxiety whenever she is around. Is it possible that she changed? If so, how do I feel comfortable again?

A:

Hello Lillann, I find it difficult to understand why siblings would hurt one another! Its terrible that shes emotionally abusive toward you. Does she have a reason for this? And what about prior to summer- has she always been this way? My suggestion is first to ask yourself what you can do about it. Do you think you trust her enough to talk to her about how shes treating you. To tell her how you feel because of her- how do you think she will react? If you think you can trust her and maybe she will feel apologetic and want to change how she treats you, then sit her down and talk to her about it. But if you do not think she would listen or even care about how you feel, then here is what you must do : You must be strong enough so she cannot affect you. People act in ways that can be so hurtful, and they keep doing it. We have to understand that we cannot control the people around us. There is no way we can change your sister and make her treat you better. For many reasons- she is probably emotionally harmed and so she takes it out on you. Only Hurt people would hurt people. So understand that she maybe has her own problems that she cannot express, and so she is disruptive toward others close to her. If you feel anxiety with this, ask yourself why?  It must be awful to always feel this way with her around.. :( But really ask yourself why? What is is thats causing you to feel anxious. Is it her tone? The things she say? Maybe how she says things really gets to you and annoys you. If so, then you need to think what she is saying and if its true? Whether its true or not is something that you must be comfortable with. When you are 100% comfortable with yourself, NOBODY can hurt you. Try to find out what hurts you. If her words about you and something specific hurts you- try to face that problems and ask yourself if you are comfortable with it. If you are, good! If you are not, see if you want to change it, or give time to accept you for you. Regardless, you should not let her have a say in who you want to be, since its clear she does not have your best interest at heart. Remember that you should not base your happiness on someone else. Even if she emotionally abuses you again- you should not allow her to affect you. Learn to walk away and see that she is the one with the problem. I feel sorry for her, as she must have a difficult time if she keeps having to take it out on you. Of course im really sorry for you because you are taking on her abuse... But you can do better :) Take this as a challenge and learn to overcome this. Challenge yourself to walk away from her and not to take what she says to heart. Potato is here if you need to chat more xx

Q: I have just been sacked effectively from my job. And i got my weeks pay this past week and all the holiday pay i had saved up. But my mum also works for the company doing the admin and stuff and I don't know why but i have so much resent for her. Yeah i know our contracts were different but she has said to me many times that everyone thinks i was the most hard working one there and i know she might have been trying to cheer me up but i dont know what to do. I am so concious about money now that i have a limited amount of it left and i don't know what to do for christmas presents and my boyfriends birthday present. I am so stressed out right now and i don't know if i will cope this lockdown. HELP!!!

A:

Hey Leah, that sucks about your job... So sorry to hear youve been made unemployed :( It's a terrible time now... I dont know where you are living at now, but based on your age and circumstances, maybe you can claim assistance from your government? I don't know which country you are in, but do some research to see if you can get help. Many people are losing their jobs now, and its just really all covids fault..... All types of people are losing their jobs- educated people who may be specialised in a field, people who speak multiple languages, people who are not educated, people who are old, and people who are young. What im trying to say is that people lose their jobs now not because of who they are, or what they can and cannot do. But more so because of the impact of covid on the economy. Whether you are hardworking or not, Its likely that you have been let go simply because your company can no longer keep you. Maybe you feel hurt and affected now because you are comparing it with your mum still having her job. But like you said, the contracts are different. Maybe she gets paid a different amount and its something the company can hold on to. Of course it doesnt feel nice, and its ok that you feel resent or feel upset by this. Its so human to feel this way. And if this just happened, it can also be such a shock... So first off, know that its ok to feel like this. And second is to address why you feel this way? Is it because you feel that youre not good enough in comparision? Or that you came across as the one thats easier to 'let go' ? Ask yourself questions and try to understand why you really feel this way. And then challenge your thoughts..  How true is everything that you are thinking? Before you allow yourself to feel down about this- question if there was even anything you can do to stop this from happening? It seems it could be due to covid that people are being let go in companies. And in many circumstances, nothing that you would do could make it different. So if its not within your control, you have to accept it and acknowledge that there's nothing else you can change. As for a reason- why did they pick you.. Well unless you ask them outright, you may never know. But the important thing is to find peace within yourself. Regardless what their reason is- you must know that it is NOT a reflection of your abilities. Just like when someone in a relationship gets dumped by their partner- its not a reflection of them, but a reflection of someone else's actions. Totally does not represent you. So dont let it affect you too much. Focus on what you can do now in order to get work and financial security. As for christmas presents- settle for making them something insted of spending the money. They love you, and im sure they will not mind that you dont buy a gift. Something home made can be really sweet... One of my favourite gifts is a bracelet from my cousin. And its so meaningful that she made it herself. Presents dont always have to be bought. Dont give up on finding help and on getting a job. Nothing is impossible! ONe step at a time. For now start researching to see if you get government help.. And next check for online work. Sometimes there are admin jobs online that you could do. JUst dont give up! Take is as a challenge and do your best. Be frugal in your lifestyle and really plan out your finances. Potato always rooting for you! xx

Q: My dad molested me for many years when i was young, I tried telling my mom but ended up telling her I was lying due to many reasons and lost her complete trust. I forgive my father now and I still love him, what do I do?

A:

Hey there, Potato is very sorry to hear this. That must have been such a difficult time when you were younger... I cannot even begin to imagine the hurt and pain you felt when this all happened. It sounds like you tried to expose him to your mum, but decided against it, however maybe it was too late and you had to say you lied in order to protect him... Do you ever speak to your dad about this now? Has he said anything or brought it up? You say you forgive him and still love him, and in many ways I think that that is incredible to be able to do that! However, if you have trauma and you cannot get over what has happened, I hope that you can speak to someone about it, with the goal of acknowledging how you felt and how you feel. And to find peace in this. Since your question is focused on your mum, potato will focus on this. You said this happened when you were younger. So im assuming now you are older and there would have been time in between for this to pass. You have 2 options: either tell her the truth now or to continue hiding the truth and try to amend things. Ask yourself- what do you want? What do you hope for? If you had a magic wand and can fix this problem- what would you wish for? Do you wish for her to know the truth and to NOT confront your father and to accept this and move on? Or do you wish that he would say something? Or maybe you just wish that you can tell her the truth and get her trust back? Ask yourself what you wish can happen, and see what you need to do in order to get there. And depending on how your dad is now, if you have spoken about it and you forgive him- how much do you trust him? Do you trust him enough to have him speak to your mum? If that is not what you wish, then your safe option is to not tell the truth.. But are you happy with that? If you goal is to just win her trust- then you can always communicate more with her and slowly build up your relationship again. Remember that nothing happens overnight. Strong relationships take time to build. But then again- you are building it on the foundation that you are still lying about the past... If you trust your mum, maybe you can sit her down and tell her the truth. But in a calm manner and mature manner. In a way that she knows you are okay, and that you have forgiven what has happened. Its hard to say how she would react, but you would know best. Ideally, all 3 of you would sit down and talk it all out. There will be a lot of pain and shock and anger, but it will be truthful. However, dont feel like you have to make the "right" decision. There is no right decision. Its what decision you feel is right for you. But there are consequences. As long as you can accept them, then why not? For example, not telling your mum and starting again in terms of building trust could be something that you can accept. Maybe at the end of the day all you want is that mother-daughter/son relationship with her. Ask yourself again- what is it you really want. ANd be prepared to accept all consequences... Sometimes there is not right choice. Just the right one at the moment, and one that you can accept. Regardless, you are the victim in this situation, and I really hope you spend time taking care of yourself mentally. Potato sending you a lot of love! xxx

Q: Why did he leave me, knowing he kept me alive? He promised he'd never leave. And then he did. I haven't been the same since. I can't trust anyone, no matter what. I repeat the same life everyday: wake up, school for hours, sometimes eat dinner, scroll through TikTok for a while, sleep, repeat. I don't talk to anyone. I don't know what to do. Only one thing ever makes me happy, and I don't get to see them often. I am so tired of not feeling anything. I just don't know what to do.

A:

Hey Allison... It sounds like you just went through a break up, and it must be so painful. It sounds really painful to experience this all.. Potato wishes I can give you a big hug. If you have been with someone, you become almost one with them. You know so much about them, and they know about you too. Suddenly breaking up can make him seem distant. And that is a strange feeling.. To have someone so close to you before, and suddenly become like strangers... Its a hurtful experience. Whatever happened has happened. Do you think you can have what you had before? Can you fight to get him back again? Do you think theres even a slight chance of being together? If you think that there is a chance for you both to be together again, you can fight for it. But if you think this is something that cannot be fixed- as in- you can never both be together again... Then there is only 1 thing to do- and that is to accept it. Yes it hurts like crazy, but understand that TIME WILL HEAL everything. Maybe its fresh now and it hurts because its just happened. But over time, we get used to something else, and we meet new people and new experiences. So just because one person has left you, does not mean this is your life from now on. If someone left you for their own selfish reasons, then they have lost out. It means they chose not to be in your life. So what can you do? Focus on the other people who do decide to be in your life. Give attention to people who love and care for you. Give attention to making new experiences and meeting new people. Set your heart on moving on. Either choose to get him back, or move on. Pick on and stick to it. You are hurting now, so yes you will feel numb to many things. Maybe hate things. Maybe never trust anyone now. Know that all this is OKAY. You were hurt so you respond in hurt. Its okay, your feelings are all valid. Take time to heal. Just be yourself. But no matter how hurt you are, you must have a strong heart inside to tell yourself that you are set on moving forward. Maybe not right now, but you will. And if you think your life is on repeat and you dont like it- then CHANGE it! Look for new experiences. Learn a new skills, do something different, talk to new people. Make your own changes. Dont give up now because someone has hurt you. Show them what you are worth, by enjoying your life and being the best version of yourself. One day they will see what they have missed out on... Potato sending you love xx

Q: I feel alone because I am still living with my parents who seem to always love me getting away from them. They treat my brother like they care about him, I always think that they would be better off with someone who is friends with me and is good at listening to adults. My parents would love them because it would be a step up from me. I also feel alone because since this is my senior year of high school, I am scared of losing my friends when we go off to college, and with this COVID-19 still around, it makes it harder for us to even meet. I am also scared that I might never find love after COVID-19 and I don't want to be alone and have a boring job that's from 9-5 and have no friends. I want to be the life of the party and have friends that will be with me for a lifetime and I want to find love but like when I am in my mid-20s to early 30s. I am just scared after Covid that I am never going to experience these things again.

A:

Potato is sorry to hear all this... It sucks that you feel like your parents place more care onto your brother. And that you feel like another type of person would be a step up from you. That's an awful feeling and Potato is sorry that you are feeling this. What is it they are doing that makes you feel this way? Is it the way they speak to you? And why do you think they want you away from them? Think about what action they do that bothers you, and ask yourself why you think they do it? Is it truly because they dont care for you and want you away from them, or maybe its something else? For example, it could be that they think you are independent and they are not worried about you, but that comes across as not caring about you... Regardless, it sounds like how they treat you is bothering you. Have you ever told them, or think about telling them? How do you think they would respond? You never know, they might not even know that they are hurting you this way.  If you trust them and want to mend things, maybe consider telling them in a mature and honest way.  If they truly care and love you, they will want to listen... As for going off the college, firstly congrats! It's a big transition, but not a bad one, just a scary one because it will be different to what you are used to. You say you want to be the life of the party, and you CAN be! :) There is nothing stopping you from having friends, having fun, having a job you love that is not 9-5 office work, and to experience love. All this is possible! There is no need to think the worst, because nothing has happened yet. All these will be possible if YOU want it. There is always a solution to everything. All your worries and concerns are very valid. You have all the right to feel this way, since its such a big transition. Its normal to feel this way. You can make plans and prepare for the changes you think will happen. But the rest of what can happen comes form yourself. If you want to have friends and have a fun social life, you need to be prepared to be open in college and get into new experiences. Yes things are harder because of covid, and it really sucks to have all this happen when its such an important time for you. But its not all impossible. Make plans to meet with friends often, even online and on social media. If you put in the effort to connect with others, they will respond in kind too. As long as you try, theres no reason that you wont have friends... As for falling in love, thats all going to happen! Covid will not get in the way of that. Maybe as compared to pre-covid times, it mean you meet less people. But it does not mean that you dont get the chance to fall in love. Remember that nothing is permanenet in life. If something is bad now, it does not remain bad forever. Our brains can lead us to think the worst, and we need to understand that the possibilities can go both ways... So why not believe in the good that can happen! And get into that positive mindset and see yourself with lots of friends, having fun parties, meeting new people and falling in love. Since you can imagine, why not imagine the best scenario? Nothing is good or bad, its just how we think that will make it so. Again, its really normal to feel worried about this and about losing friends at this time. Covid is hurting our mental health... But if you actively seek to keep friendships strong, nothing can stop you! Potato sending you love. xx

Q: Life is just stressin me out, i hate it. I feel so depressed and i feel like i cannot handle it. I was supposed to be team captain this year. I dunno what to do. I just wanna die man

A:

Hey Lucas, sorry to hear that you are stressing out and hating life :( Potato understands how you feel... Thanks to covid, a lot of our normal life is put on hold. This is a very strange time, and very unlucky for those of us who had an exciting year to look forward to- such as yourself since you were going to be captain this year. That's really annoying and Potato feels frustrated for you!! Its really normal to respond this way- to hate everything and feel helpless. Since we don't know what can happen, and how long this will last, it is understandably causing a lot of anxiety in us. And since we cannot control this, its even more frustrating! Since you probably feel like there was so much you can show for and so much you want to do. Please remember that none of this is permanent. Yes, maybe right now a lot of the time is 'wasted'... But this is the same for everyone. The world and our environment have to understand and accommodate the virus. This means more sacrifices, a new way of life, and more restrictions. But we cannot let the environment and what is happening to control us. Yes it controls us in SOME ways, but not ALL of us. If you were going to be captain, find new ways to train and get your team spirit up. Find ways to train, to keep in touch with your team, to ask your school what else you can do in order to help keep your team active. There is always SOMETHING you CAN do! Use the time to build on yourself. Understand that you cannot change the covid situation. And since you cannot change it, you can only accept it. You only have this 1 option- to accept it. So do you want to accept it happily? Or unhappily? Some people take this as a challenge to improve themselves, even with the restrictions. See it as a challenge to better yourself. Since you were going to be captain, it must mean theres something in you to lead and take charge! People see potential in you :) So use it to your advantage. Work hard, dont give up. Dont let the surrounding control you. Find ways to beat the system. Get creative! Do things online and train yourself to be better! :) You can do it. Keep positive! Potato loves you.

Q: I don't feel safe at work because of Covid 19, should I leave?

A:

Hi Kat, sorry to hear that you do not feel safe at work. Thats the worst feeling to have, when you feel out of control, or helpless, in a place that you have to go to daily. I do not think this is a healthy feeling to have. What exactly is causing you to feel unsafe at work? Is it how colleagues respond to covid19 guidelines, or how your managers have handled this? As I do not know in detail why you do not feel safe, Im going to assume that the main reason is fear of being exposed to the virus at work? Maybe you feel uncertain and not confident in how your employer has managed the whole situation? If you do not feel safe at work, and it is really affecting your mental wellbeing, you should think about taking action. However, saying you should just leave is a very big decision to make. Are you able to accept the consequences of leaving work? Think about income, career growth, and the possibility of reemployment after. Are all these okay with you? I think if you do not feel safe, it would be good to leave what is causing you fear. However, is it possible to find an answer that does not involve you losing your job? As many people have been losing jobs and finding it hard to be employed at this moment. But if you are financially secure, maybe this option is okay for you. Are you able to speak to your employer? If you feel they are not being safe, you can raise this to a manager that you trust. At least try to find ways that you can change in order to feel safer. Even if this means involving others. More often, employers could feel grateful that someone is speaking up about it and they would likely want to help you feel safer. And if they dont? If you know they are not the type to care or will not take you seriously, then yes- maybe think about other options. Because its not worth risking your life for a job. Your safety should always come first. People take their health for granted. We only have one body, so we should protect and cherish it. If you dont think your employer can help you, and you do not feel safe, and you are at a point where you cannot try anything else, then maybe it is worth thinking about leaving... Potato is sorry if you do have to leave your work. But if it means keeping yourself safe, then that is a sensible compromise. Make sure that you still find ways- like ask if you can work from home? Or come in at a less busy time? Or change to part time work? Think of all possibilities, and if nothing works, then keep yourself safe first. You can also try to plan in advance and apply for work online now prior to handing in your resignation. Potato knows these are not easy decisions, but trust that whatever calculated decision you make, it will be the right one if you prioritise your health first. Pototo loves you.

Q: I've lost hope on things getting back to normal. This year could have been great, but thanks to COVID it isn't.How do I stay positive?

A:

Hey Lilliann, Potato shares the same frustrations with you. At the beginning of the year, we were all looking forward to achieving new goals in the year ahead. But covid started quite early on in the year and it feels like all our plans have to be halted. Naturally, this will cause disappointment and frustration in us. We must understand that this is a pandemic and it is not something we all expect to happen. Things have changed drastically, and scarily. What we need to do is lower our expectations. When we expect things to pass quickly and it doesn't, we get disappointment. Perhaps we all thought this would last a few months, but now it seems like the year is almost over and we are still struggling to have a normal life. Accept that you will feel disappointment and more negative feelings this year. And its okay! Because you are human, and your feelings are valid. To feel negative at a time like this is really normal, almost expected. However, its really great that you ask how to stay positive, because you WANT to improve how you feel and it sounds like you are ready to take action and make changes in order to feel better. First, acknowledge that you are not in control of this. We cannot remove the virus now and we accept that we have restrictions that we are not in control of. Accept the surrounding you now live in and do not spend time thinking about how great it would be if it wasnt like this. Because we are not in control to change this or revert this, there is no point in spending time assuming. Instead, focus on the things you CAN change. For example, maybe you are stuck at home with family. Is there anything you can do with your family, that perhaps can lead to better understanding and happiness? As we might never (hopefully) ever be in a similar situation again. Take this time to focus on growing yourself and your relationships (if this is what you want). Time is still time, regardless of how we spend it. Since we cant do much else like travel or go out and have fun in groups, find other ways. Be creative! What do you like? What sparks your interest? Maybe take online courses. It could be knitting, learning about plants, learning how to make a good cup of coffee, or even learn to code. The possibilities are endless. You can learn anything online. Take what you have and make the best of it. Remember that we cannot pause time. So use it wisely and do things that improve yourself or others. Finding purpose in doing this can lead to more positivity in life. Another thing you can try is find a new routine. Maybe set a time to wake up, make sure you drink and eat healthily, write in your journal. meditate, do some yoga, ask your family about their day, etc etc. Incorporate little positive routines everyday and it will grow into positive habits. And again, its ok to feel crap. Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel this way. Take a day just for self care and just enjoy the time you have now. Nothing now is permanent. Things can always change for the better. This is not going to last forever. The human race always adapts and we come out stronger. Have faith! Potato loves you!

Q: Hey,I feel always worried about my family that they may get affected by corona as Im working away from my hometown.There is always a fear :-(.How to overcome that fear?

A:

Hi human. Thank you for asking a question here and reaching out. Potato wants you to know that this is a safe and non-judgemental place for you to speak honestly about how you feel. Im sorry to hear that you are experiencing fear... It is a terrible feeling- to not be able to control the situation we live in, and maybe many of us feel very helpless... If you are away from home and worried about your family in another country, it's important to make sure that you get valid and reliable information from government resources. A lot of the time, social media and some news sources dramatize a story in order to keep the reader engaged. This is not always good, as it can highlight the untrue and causes us to be anxious. If you can, limit your news intake if it is not necessary. If you have to, make sure its from an official government source. 
It is also normal to feel vulnerable and overwhelmed at a time like this. As a Potato, I have a potato family and I also get worried about them... So the best thing I can do is stay connected. Make an effort to reach out to your family, and if possible, tell them how you really feel. Perhaps the worst thing now about corona is the isolation that is placed on many. So reaching out to your family and telling them that you are thinking of them, worried for them, and just want to catch up, can let them know that you are there to support. At a time like this, communication maybe be the best solution- as there are so many things not within our control. What is within our control is how we choose to show others we support them. Another thing you can do is allocate a 'worry period'. This means you allow yourself maybe 30 mins in a day to worry about your family. But you only allow yourself this 30 mins, and after that, you must continue on with your day. This is useful if you are someone who tends to worry all the time. Its not realistic to just say 'stop worrying', but you can invite boundaries so as to limit the time you spend worrying. Lastly, remind yourself that you can still make rational statements. For example: instead of thinking that your family will all get corona and suffer- instead think the opposite: that people who do get covid very often recover from it, and that's if your family even get it in the first place.. Both positive thinking and negative thinking requires the same amount of effort, so why not pick the positive one? Since we do not know what can happen in the future, we have to focus on the present and decide what is best for us right NOW? Question if your worrying will help?  None of this is easy... Corona really sucks!! Potato is here for you and is rooting for you ❤️🥔

Q: I swear school pisses me off, I want to be able to play sports and NOT be stressed but no, 8th grade had to be a pain in my ass and now i'm failing and about to not play for the rest of the year for my middle school football season!! I'm 5 seconds away from dropping out I'd rather be homeless! Someone please give me some ADVICE!!!

A:

Hi anonymous, that sounds terrible! Potato is sorry to hear that you are stressed over the restrictions put on you by your school... Covid-19 is a new challenge and everyone is doing their best to keep each other safe. Which comes at a cost where we can't have contact sports like football.. Know that how you feel is valid. Being told that you cant practice or return to play in something you are passionate about can cause a great deal of disappointment and anxiety. How you are feeling is understandable 100%.

Now lets try to understand your stress. Is it because you fear that you are not going to be 'up to speed' since you cannot practice? Or because you miss playing with your friends? Or because you are just sick of the virus causing the disruption and feel tha you are not in control? Ask yourself why you really feel stress. And remind yourself that other atheletes are all in the same boat. The whole world is at a stand still. Im sure many of your friends feel the same way too... 

Not being able to be with friends to practice can be so disappointing, but you are not alone in this. It is a time where things are not within our control. And remind youreslf that the reason this is happening because we are trying to keep everyone safe. So, you are doing your part by pausing your practice. Yes it sucks, but there is always a solution! Are you able to practice with family at home? Are you able to do drills and practice alone? Watch videos that help you improve your skill and practice it, even if its alone, or with friends but 'socially distanced'. You can use videos to guide you to practice your skills. Maybe speak to your team and you can all video and do drills together? 

When you cannot change the situation, you must learn to adapt and change your goals and expectations. Learn to accept the things that are not within your control. Instead, use the time to focus on practicing specific tasks. Things like working on your stamina by jogging can help. Or workouts to increase your upper body strength etc. There is so much you can work around. Prepare yourself so that when you can play again, you would be even better than before! Dont let the current situation stop you. 

Write out what areas you want to improve in, and find the drills or guidance online and start training yourself. And keep reminding yourself that nothing now is permanent. Things are crappy now, but this will all change. In the meantime, focus on your friends and the things that you can still do together. Remember that things not in your control cannot be changed. So dont go against it, but learn to accept and adapt. Reach out to your friends, family and even coach to ask that they keep motivating the team and find new form of practicing. 

Potato sending you luck and love! Don't feel disheartned. We are all facing a crisis together. You are not alone and know that you can always reach out to potato for help okay? Potato love you🥔🧡

Chat to a Potato about COVID-19

I just got moved into a different household due to my brother being an abusive jerk, but I’m just very confused. It’s a hard landscape to navigate, especially with COVID and I can’t help but feel guilty, I’m not sure why. Any advice on how to feel better?

Covid-19 messed me up, for some reason it feels like i cant stop masterbating, and i dont want to talk to someone about it because it feels weird too, i want to be able to stop whenever but it keeps getting worse and worse, what should i do?

I am unable to answer questions here. I have tried clicking on the comment button and no prevail. Does anyone know how to answer the question here, if so may you explain how?

I hate my life! I get pushed around and messed with.

I'm tired of my stupid life i'm muted my brother's friends make fun of me and call me "THE MUTE TOMBOY" i'm tired of them even one time i broke my brother's friend's leg. I was abused at the age of 6 my dad is a terrible guy he hits me

School has been moved online.....and I can't connect with my friends. Advice?

I am wondering. My anxiety attacks happen often causing sleepwalking. The anxiety is caused by all the stress of riots and COVID. What should I do?

I think my stuff is actin up

Covid more like woahvid, Cause like this year has been like "WOOOAAAHH" :D

How do you answer questions

So I recently fell for two different girls in my class. My parents still think I'm straight. I want to tell one of them that I like them, but now I'm wondering- which one, how do I do it, and what comes next if she likes me?

My girlfriend cut me off and didn’t and anything about it to me, what do I do

I am in love with a close friend of mine. I don't even know what to do, and everytime I get in relationships i push people away without realizing I do. I don't know what to do anymore. Even if I were to try I dont even know what I would say or do.

I am so tired. Life is so complicated, I just wish it was simpler. Stressy and messy

My sister emotionally abused me all summer, September, and October. Now she's getting better and things feel normal, but I keep worrying she'll go back to how she was and I have anxiety whenever she is around. Is it possible that she changed? If so, how do I feel comfortable again?

Why is covid a thing its messing up my head

What is consider a cute things?

So I feel stupid, I love this person but idk how to show her I love her. Idk what to do, what to say, anything like that...I just feel plain stupid...What do I do...

My dad molested me for many years when i was young, I tried telling my mom but ended up telling her I was lying due to many reasons and lost her complete trust. I forgive my father now and I still love him, what do I do?

Why is loving someone, hard?

Somebody raped me and l didn't tell anyone. Should l tell someone?

Why do I feel Useless?

My friend have covid-19 should l help her

Why are people dicks

School is making me nervous cuz i have strict deadlines on assignments...

Life is just stressin me out, i hate it. I feel so depressed and i feel like i cannot handle it. I was supposed to be team captain this year. I dunno what to do. I just wanna die man

I feel like i need a hand to hold very tightly.

I don't feel safe at work because of Covid 19, should I leave?

I've lost hope on things getting back to normal. This year could have been great, but thanks to COVID it isn't.How do I stay positive?

I am afraid to do sex

I always wonder what would happen after death and i learned that since corona started life would get a ell of a lot worse for me

I have no life I study than play games, that's my life during quarantine

Hey,I feel always worried about my family that they may get affected by corona as Im working away from my hometown.There is always a fear :-(.How to overcome that fear?

TW: SELF HARM Can i get corona from self harming, and how do i heal the wound to prevent that?

I'm doing my uni work placements in a hospital and i'm afraid i might catch covid. No one seems overly concerned about it, so i don't want to make it a big deal. How to i keep positive and control my stress levels when i'm there?

Hi? I am asking a question here because my close friend is very anxious because of coronavirus. She ALWAYS talks about corona and is scared to get it. How do I help her feel safer?